What does biblical communication look like in real life? Chapters 9 and 10 discuss the types of biblical methods and how you apply them to your lives and to the lives of your children. Most families have rules or boundaries set in place and consequences for not following those rules. Some have very few rules and "easy" consequences ("you don't get a piece of candy because you hit your sister"), but most would agree that rules and consequences are necessary. In biblical discipline we add a few more aspects in addition to rules, correction, and discipline like: encouragement, rebuke, entreaty, instruction, warning, teaching and prayer.
Warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 1 Thessalonians 5:14
It is important to discern which type of communication is best for each circumstance. Encouragement is used when children feel the weight of failure, or feel as though they can't do something. As parents we should "help them assess the reasons for disappointment" and point them to the promises of God. Correction is used to let your child know what they did wrong and what needs to be done to correct the problem. It is a good time to teach your child God's standard. Rebuke is used when a child needs to experience a "sense of alarm" at what they have done. This is typically followed by another form of communication to provide understanding. Entreaty "involves pleading, soliciting, urging, and even begging." It involves vulnerability to plea with your child to act in wisdom and faith according to the word of God. This type of communication deals with situations of great importance.
"My son, give me your heart..." Proverbs 23:26
Instruction is guiding and teaching your child or simply providing your child with information to help them understand God, sin, temptation, and the world we live in. During instruction your child gains understanding. Warning is used to "put us on guard regarding a probable danger".
One of the most powerful ways we can warn our children is to fill their heads with cautions of the Bible. (Tripp 85)
Here are some examples found in Proverbs if you are interested (12:24; 13:18; 14:23, 15:1; 16:18; 17:19; 19:15). Teaching is used to pass on knowledge and is best used after a problem or failure. You may find it hard to teach during a problem because a child cannot focus on anything other than the failure or problem. Encouragement may need to come first. Finally, prayer... which is technically not communication with your child, but with God. I like this one. Sometimes I don't know what to say to Riley when I am trying to discipline. So, you know what we do...we pray. It helps me focus and Riley listens to the prayer. She understands that there is some weight to what is going on because we are talking to GOD about it.
So, there is no ONE way to correct and discipline a child. I pray that God gives us discernment, wisdom, and understanding as we raise our children to know the best way to communicate the truths of the Lord to them.
Communication not only disciplines, it also disciples. Tripp 89
Communication with our children will help them understand themselves better (motives, goals, desires), how to listen (not just because they listen to you...because YOU listen to THEM), and how to communicate with others.
Find the best time to talk to your children. If you are a morning person, this does not mean your children are. They may feel more apt to talk at night even though you are most chipper in the morning (in which they would just find annoying) or vice versa.
We must be a good example in the way we live according to God's word and we should not be afraid to ask for forgiveness. As parents we are building our trust with our children.
Children trust you when they know you love them and are committed to their good, when they know you understand them, when they know you understand their strengths and weaknesses, when they know that you have invested yourself in encouragement, correction, rebuke, entreaty, instruction, warning, understanding, teaching and prayer. Tripp 94
Taking the time to communicate well with our children will help prepare them for every relationship they will have in the future. They will not only understand "what" happened, but "why" it happened and what they can do about it or more importantly what God can do about it. And YES it will take time, but it will be worth it.
Is this kind of communication expensive? Yes! But the benefits far exceed the cost. Tripp 98
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