On Shepherding A Child's Heart (Ch 7)

Biblical methods of parenting are the only ones that will bring glory to God. The book takes a look at current unbiblical methods including…

1. I Didn’t Turn Out So Bad
Basically, the idea that I turned out okay the way my parents raised me so I will just do what they did regardless of it is biblical or not.

2. Pop Psychology
An example of this would be encouraging your child to do the behaviors you want by bribery or making a contract (I’ll do this if you do this). This only deals with the behavior, not the heart.

Bribery latches on to evil in the child’s heart and uses it as motivation. The child is not taught to look out for the interest of others. The child learns nothing about being under authority because God is God and the parent is his agent. (Tripp 61)

3. Behavior Modification
This is basically rewarding a child for being “good”. Since children behave out of the inclination of the heart, their heart is trained to be greedy and desire rewards. This can also lead a child to do the “right” thing with wrong motives and usually minimal effort.

But doesn’t God reward and honor those who honor him? Yes, he does and God also looks at the motives of our heart. We cannot honor God with actions if our heart is far from him. Our motivation is not a reward, but the glory of God.

4. Emotionalism
This deals with the emotional well-being of the child. It plays on the child’s emotions like fear, isolation, or shame. The book gives an example of a girl whose is placed in a chair alone when she misbehaves. No one is allowed to talk to her for a certain period of time. When asked what makes her sadder than anything she said that she is saddest when she sits in the chair and her father is home but won’t talk to her. She is being trained to fear isolation which may lead to her having a lifelong desire to please her parents so that they will acknowledge her or isolate herself further to keep from getting hurt.

5. Punitive Correction
Using the threat of punishment to achieve a certain behavior out of anger or irritation is punitive correction. One example the book talks about is grounding. The problem is that grounding does not address any of the issues that caused the behavior it is just a punishment.

Grounding is not designed to do something for the child; it is designed to do something against him. Tripp 64

6. Erratic Eclecticism
This is an inconsistent approach to parenting; drawing from many different methods whenever it feels like a good time to use it. Parents will try one method for awhile, and if it doesn’t seem to work then they try something different. This can be confusing and frustrating for children because they do not know what to expect from their parents.


All of these methods deal with behavior and not the heart. When parents deal with the heart, the behavior will reflect that. If we as parents only focus on changing the behavior without dealing with the heart we are raising children who will not understand the motivation for their behavior, the Glory of God. Instead the heart may be trained for reward or approval.

When experts tell you that you must find what works with each child, they are saying you must find the idols of the heart that will move each child. Tripp 66

Sometimes it seems so easy to use some of these unbiblical methods (especially bribery), but I am now starting to see that it is not worth it. My children are worth more to me than just trying to correct their behavior for my convenience. If I really love them and love God I will instruct my children in the way of the Lord. Will you do it with me?