Shepherding a Child's Heart Ch. 12

The last few chapters in the book we looked at methods of communication and the rod. This chapter is titled Embracing Biblical Methods: Appeal to the Conscience.  If we simply tell our children that they did something wrong and punish them with a spanking we have missed out on a great opportunity to help our children learn how to reason. God has given us all, including children, the capability to reason or determine what is right and wrong.  In the last chapter we looked at scripture that supports the use of the rod, but we do not want to miss out of what the other parts of the verses in Proverbs 23 are saying: 

                “Don’t let your heart envy sinners…” vs. 17

                “…keep your heart on the right path…” vs. 19

                “Listen to your father, who gave you life…” vs. 22

                “Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline, and                        understanding” vs. 23

                “My son, give me your heart…” vs. 26

Giving a spanking is a good way to get a child’s attention and may help them remember to avoid that same offence in the future but it is the molding of the conscience that address the issues of the heart  and fills the heart with God’s truth.  We should be careful to fill our children’s heart with Gods truth and not lies that stem from wounds of our own, or anger and frustration.  It is about dealing with the root of the problem and not just the surface issue.  We know that God is the ultimate judge of our hearts, but God has placed us in a position to judge our children correctly and on His behalf. Our children don’t know God yet.  What a responsibility. God help us! 

“You address the heart by exposing sin and appealing to the conscience as the God-given right and wrong. “ (Tripp 118)

In the book Tripp gives an example of a boy who took money from the offering plate and his father caught him. The boy’s father took him to Tripp’s office and made him give him the money back. He gave the $2 back.  Basically Tripp presents the gospel to the young boy and express his thanks to God that he was caught in sin and able to deal with the boys actions and not live in sin. The boy then began to cry and handed them a $20. Tripp was able to appeal to the boy’s heart through the gospel. So, it became a time of dealing with the issue of his heart instead of just going through the motions!

Being the children’s director at our church God has allowed me to talk to kids in an effort to change their behaviors/attitude of their heart in class. I recently had a parent say, “I don’t know what you said to him, but there is a night and day difference”.  I told her that it was all God because all I did was tell the boy how much God loved him and that God has a plan for his life and how his behavior did not line up with that AND man have I been praying for him!  God does amazing things when we let HIM, right? 

The gospel and scripture speak to our hearts. It is living and active. Use it! 

Redemption is an important part in correcting, just as it is in the gospel. If we focus on the cross in discipline, then when we correct we are revealing our need for Jesus, because we are sinners. We cannot have redemption from our sins without Him.  It is an internal transformation. If we simply work on the outward appearance and simply reward good behavior and punish bad behavior we are raising children no different that Pharisees. The life we are called to live we cannot live up to ourselves. We need Jesus. Focus your discipline on Christ. 

a rare moment captured. thanks katie snyder

Shepherding a Child's Heart Ch. 11

Time to get back to Shepherding a Childs Heart! Sorry for slacking…I blame it on working more and having fun with my family!!

So we left off discussing biblical methods of communication. Now we move onto a more controversial but non-the-less biblical method of the rod. So before we get into it lets look at what the Bible says…

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” Proverbs 13:24

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him” Proverbs 22:15

“Punish him [a child] with the rod and save his soul from death” Proverbs 23:14

“The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. “ Proverbs 29:15

“Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul” Proverbs 29:17

As parents we have the responsibility to “train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6). How is this accomplished? We have talked about biblical communication and expectations. We know that the “heart is deceitful” and that there are many temptations that lure our children to worship something other than God. What is the best way to train young children? Correction and communication. Not retribution or payment for sin. The price for our sin has been paid! Hallelujah! We are acting as agents to set our children free. So, according to Proverbs 13:24 if you love your child you will discipline him or her. We have discussed in reading this book that our children are prone to wander and sin and Proverbs 22:15 confirms that again and tells us that the rod will drive that tendency away! Not only that, it tell us in Proverbs 23:14 that it will save them from death! This is not referring to physical death, but spiritual death. We use the rod to rescue our children from dying spiritually. We should recognize that when our child does something wrong, there is an underlying issue dealing with the heart falling from God and we are to save our child from falling into temptation. A spanking is not something we do because we are angry or frustrated or to make our child “feel bad” for what they have done. It is to save their soul! Proverbs 29:15 tells us that it imparts wisdom. When used properly (not out of anger or retribution) a child gains wisdom and understanding. Proverbs 29:17 gives us good news; Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul”. That is because the child will also be at peace. Yes, they will probably cry, but when done correctly they understand boundaries and because of this they begin to understand the freedom and joy of knowing Christ! We can be at peace! Remember that communication is still a huge part of the correction process and the biblical use of the rod and the use of biblical communication can save your child from spiritual death!

Here are specifics the book lays out about THE ROD…

The Rod is…

1) A Parental Exercise

2) An Act of Faith

3) An Act of Faithfulness

4) A Responsibility

5) A Physical Punishment

6) A Rescue Mission

The Rod is NOT…

1) Not the Right to Unbridled Temper

2) Not the Right to Hit Our Children Whenever We Wish

3) Not Venting of Frustration

4) Not Retribution

5) Not Associated with Vindictive Anger

I don’t know about you but I do not what my child to be a slave to sin. I want to lead my child to a freeing relationship with Christ. I must be obedient to what Christ has told me from his word to do as a parent. It is not easy, but I know that it is worth it.

Shepherding a Child's Heart (Chapter 9 &10)...

What does biblical communication look like in real life? Chapters 9 and 10 discuss the types of biblical methods and how you apply them to your lives and to the lives of your children. Most families have rules or boundaries set in place and consequences for not following those rules. Some have very few rules and "easy" consequences ("you don't get a piece of candy because you hit your sister"), but most would agree that rules and consequences are necessary. In biblical discipline we add a few more aspects in addition to rules, correction, and discipline like: encouragement, rebuke, entreaty, instruction, warning, teaching and prayer.

Warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 1 Thessalonians 5:14

It is important to discern which type of communication is best for each circumstance. Encouragement is used when children feel the weight of failure, or feel as though they can't do something. As parents we should "help them assess the reasons for disappointment" and point them to the promises of God. Correction is used to let your child know what they did wrong and what needs to be done to correct the problem. It is a good time to teach your child God's standard. Rebuke is used when a child needs to experience a "sense of alarm" at what they have done. This is typically followed by another form of communication to provide understanding. Entreaty "involves pleading, soliciting, urging, and even begging." It involves vulnerability to plea with your child to act in wisdom and faith according to the word of God. This type of communication deals with situations of great importance.

"My son, give me your heart..." Proverbs 23:26

Instruction is guiding and teaching your child or simply providing your child with information to help them understand God, sin, temptation, and the world we live in. During instruction your child gains understanding. Warning is used to "put us on guard regarding a probable danger".

One of the most powerful ways we can warn our children is to fill their heads with cautions of the Bible. (Tripp 85)

Here are some examples found in Proverbs if you are interested (12:24; 13:18; 14:23, 15:1; 16:18; 17:19; 19:15). Teaching is used to pass on knowledge and is best used after a problem or failure. You may find it hard to teach during a problem because a child cannot focus on anything other than the failure or problem. Encouragement may need to come first. Finally, prayer... which is technically not communication with your child, but with God. I like this one. Sometimes I don't know what to say to Riley when I am trying to discipline. So, you know what we do...we pray. It helps me focus and Riley listens to the prayer. She understands that there is some weight to what is going on because we are talking to GOD about it.

So, there is no ONE way to correct and discipline a child. I pray that God gives us discernment, wisdom, and understanding as we raise our children to know the best way to communicate the truths of the Lord to them.

Communication not only disciplines, it also disciples. Tripp 89

Communication with our children will help them understand themselves better (motives, goals, desires), how to listen (not just because they listen to you...because YOU listen to THEM), and how to communicate with others.

Find the best time to talk to your children. If you are a morning person, this does not mean your children are. They may feel more apt to talk at night even though you are most chipper in the morning (in which they would just find annoying) or vice versa.

We must be a good example in the way we live according to God's word and we should not be afraid to ask for forgiveness. As parents we are building our trust with our children.

Children trust you when they know you love them and are committed to their good, when they know you understand them, when they know you understand their strengths and weaknesses, when they know that you have invested yourself in encouragement, correction, rebuke, entreaty, instruction, warning, understanding, teaching and prayer. Tripp 94

Taking the time to communicate well with our children will help prepare them for every relationship they will have in the future. They will not only understand "what" happened, but "why" it happened and what they can do about it or more importantly what God can do about it. And YES it will take time, but it will be worth it.

Is this kind of communication expensive? Yes! But the benefits far exceed the cost. Tripp 98

Shepherding a Child's Heart (Ch 8)...

So, in discussing this book we have talked a lot about what not to do and how not to communicate and discipline our children. Now the book begins to break down biblical methods so we can put them to practical use. Yea!

Biblical methods are just that...using the Word of God in disciplining. If you really believe that the word of God is "living and active" than you know that when you or your child speak scripture it has more weight than anything you or I can come up with. Our methods and goals in parenting should be based on the Word of God.

This chapter introduces the two elements involved in biblical parenting...communication and the rod. Scripture to support...Proverbs 23:13-19, Proverbs 23:22, and Proverbs23:26. Each of these elements are discussed in detail in the coming chapters.

The communication the book talks about has nothing to do with talking to your children, but everything to do with talking with your children. Yes, as a parent you need to have the ability to talk to your children, but also listen to them. This seemed difficult to me. I have an almost three year old and sometimes she doesn't know how to express what she is feeling or why she did something.

The finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another. Tripp 73

At a young age children will learn if we are interested in what they have to say. If we respond to everything they say with an "uh-huh" while we continue to watch tv or update our facebook status our kids will realize quickly that we are uninterested in what they have to say and then when they are a teenager we wonder why they do not want to share with us.

Our goal is to try to figure out why the child behaved like they did. What is going on inside or what temptation is provoking that behavior? It is not about how you or I feel about what they did, but what led them to that behavior.

What is important in correction is not venting your feelings, anger, or hurt; it is, rather, understanding the nature of the struggle that your child is having. Tripp 74

It is important for a child to understand the reality of temptation and sin and the hope of grace and mercy found in the Lord.

The book provides four issues to walk through when correcting and I found them helpful:

1) the nature of temptation

2) the possible responses to this temptation

3) the motives for those responses

4) the sinful response he/she chose.

We are above our children in this process because God has given us authority over them, but we also walk beside them because we are sinners that struggle with temptation daily t00. So we are responsible for censoring evil for our children but we are also understanding because we know all to well the struggle they face.

Therefore, since we have this great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we possess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 4:14-16

Jeremiah is 9 months old!

On Shepherding A Child's Heart (Ch 7)

Biblical methods of parenting are the only ones that will bring glory to God. The book takes a look at current unbiblical methods including…

1. I Didn’t Turn Out So Bad
Basically, the idea that I turned out okay the way my parents raised me so I will just do what they did regardless of it is biblical or not.

2. Pop Psychology
An example of this would be encouraging your child to do the behaviors you want by bribery or making a contract (I’ll do this if you do this). This only deals with the behavior, not the heart.

Bribery latches on to evil in the child’s heart and uses it as motivation. The child is not taught to look out for the interest of others. The child learns nothing about being under authority because God is God and the parent is his agent. (Tripp 61)

3. Behavior Modification
This is basically rewarding a child for being “good”. Since children behave out of the inclination of the heart, their heart is trained to be greedy and desire rewards. This can also lead a child to do the “right” thing with wrong motives and usually minimal effort.

But doesn’t God reward and honor those who honor him? Yes, he does and God also looks at the motives of our heart. We cannot honor God with actions if our heart is far from him. Our motivation is not a reward, but the glory of God.

4. Emotionalism
This deals with the emotional well-being of the child. It plays on the child’s emotions like fear, isolation, or shame. The book gives an example of a girl whose is placed in a chair alone when she misbehaves. No one is allowed to talk to her for a certain period of time. When asked what makes her sadder than anything she said that she is saddest when she sits in the chair and her father is home but won’t talk to her. She is being trained to fear isolation which may lead to her having a lifelong desire to please her parents so that they will acknowledge her or isolate herself further to keep from getting hurt.

5. Punitive Correction
Using the threat of punishment to achieve a certain behavior out of anger or irritation is punitive correction. One example the book talks about is grounding. The problem is that grounding does not address any of the issues that caused the behavior it is just a punishment.

Grounding is not designed to do something for the child; it is designed to do something against him. Tripp 64

6. Erratic Eclecticism
This is an inconsistent approach to parenting; drawing from many different methods whenever it feels like a good time to use it. Parents will try one method for awhile, and if it doesn’t seem to work then they try something different. This can be confusing and frustrating for children because they do not know what to expect from their parents.


All of these methods deal with behavior and not the heart. When parents deal with the heart, the behavior will reflect that. If we as parents only focus on changing the behavior without dealing with the heart we are raising children who will not understand the motivation for their behavior, the Glory of God. Instead the heart may be trained for reward or approval.

When experts tell you that you must find what works with each child, they are saying you must find the idols of the heart that will move each child. Tripp 66

Sometimes it seems so easy to use some of these unbiblical methods (especially bribery), but I am now starting to see that it is not worth it. My children are worth more to me than just trying to correct their behavior for my convenience. If I really love them and love God I will instruct my children in the way of the Lord. Will you do it with me?

On Shepherding a Child's Heart (Ch 6)

So, chapter 5 was convicting and led to a lot of thought and prayer; which is always good. Basically there are a lot of things that Jon and I need to look at and evaluate as we strive to raise our children in a way that glorifies God. What are our motives for the things we do? Do we put too much focus on material things? Do we fill our child with distractions from God for our own convenience? See previous post for more insight.

Many of the unbiblical goals mentioned in chapter 5 are easily transformed into biblical goals when the aim and focus is to glorify God and not build a child’s self-esteem or push them toward perfectionism. For example, activities, such as dance, baseball, basketball, music, are excellent ways for your children to learn to glorify God with their talents and be good stewards of their bodies, as well as minister to new people they meet. There is a great dance studio in our town called Compass Dance Academy. Here is the description from their website…

Compass Dance Academy trains dancers of all ages in a joyous atmosphere where excellence is modeled through grace and encouragement, not fear and perfectionism. Our vision is to mentor each dancer to reach their full God given potential and release them to use their gift locally and around the world.

My daughter Riley LOVES to dance and I am planning on getting her dance lessons at this studio for her third birthday!! I am excited and although I will probably pass a couple of other dance academies along the way I believe it is worth the trip!

Our biblical goal for salvation should be one that doesn’t require our children to trust God once, but shepherds them into trusting God on a daily basis. Our lives and the way we parent must reflect that; again more insight on this in the previous post.

I have often wondered if teaching my child to have good manners is important. I think it is nice, but is it biblical? The book offers some good insight into this matter. If you read Philippians 2 you will see the importance of putting others interests before your own and that we should do nothing out of selfish ambition. Manners also express your consideration of those around you and respect for authority.

When saying “please” and “thank you” are rooted in what it means to look out for the interests of others, they become expressions of biblical love. Tripp 54

A good education…sounds like a good goal. I believe that we should make every effort to provide a good education for our children and teach them the importance of diligent, hard work. Some children do not have to work hard to get all A’s and some children work very hard to get a C. The importance is not what the report card says, but the honest effort put forth.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23-24

So we make every effort to glorify God in all that we do.

So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

Tough Question for Thought: What are some subtle ways you are tempted to teach your children to function in the society on its terms?

Shepherding a Child's Heart (Chapter 5ish)

We all have goals for our children and they are often reflected in how we treat them. We want our children to be successful. There can be different definitions of success leading to different methods of attempting to achieve success. So we set goals. These are things we may have consciously decided or unconsciously carry out.

The book discusses different unbiblical goals like “developing special skills” (like sports, music lessons…). Now, of course you can use special skills to serve the Lord, but if the aim of the special skill is to glorify the child or parent, it is unbiblical. Another unbiblical method of preparing your child for success is “psychological adjustment”. Using the latest pop psychology to increase your child’s self-esteem or teaching them how to “be effective with people”. Not all pop psychology is bad, but we should always ask if it is biblical.

How can you teach your children to function in God’s kingdom, where it is the servant who leads, if you teach them how to make the people in their world serve them? (Tripp 41)

Sometimes parents will think that if their child “gets saved” then all of their problems will go away. Oftentimes a parent’s objective is to get their child to pray the “prayer of salvation” not realizing that whether your child is saved or not has nothing to do with raising your child. Salvation comes from the Lord and we should be careful not to deceive a child into thinking they are saved, but shepherd a child on their journey toward Christ. Obviously salvation is a wonderful thing and not to be taken lightly. Such an important decision between your child and the King of the Universe is something all followers of Christ hope for and rightly so, but we know that it is just that, a decision between your child and God. When we allow God to do a work in our children it becomes a decision they can be confident in. Thank the Lord that he uses us as parents to prepare the hearts of our children for this decision.

There are a few other nonbiblical goals discussed in the book and I will get to them in another post. So let’s just get to the biblical goal…

BIBLICAL GOAL: “Glorify God and enjoy him forever”

Why is this so difficult…
We pander to their desires and wishes. We teach them to find their souls delight in going places and doing things. We attempt to satisfy their lust for excitement. We fill their young lives with distractions from God. We give them material things and take delight in their delight in possessions. Then we hope that somewhere down the line they will see that a life worth living is found only in knowing and serving God. (Tripp 45)

I read this and immediately said “ouch”. I am soooo guilty of that. I feel sick. I need to pray. I will finish this post later.

On Shepherding A Child's Heart (3 &4)...

We are either worshipers of God or idols. So, by faith we will worship God or we will suppress the truth in unrighteousness (Romans 1).

Even as a young child, he is either worshiping and serving God or idols. (Tripp 20)

It comes down to, once again, the matter of their heart. We are all born sinners (Psalm 58:3, Psalm 51:5) and our children will sin by choosing a path away from God, or they will choose to follow him. This is usually expressed in their behavior. They are not acting the way they are simply because they are immature, but because it is in their nature to sin and need guidance and instruction to orient their worship to God and not idols. So children will react to their experiences in a way that points to God or out of unbelief.

He is either worshiping and serving and growing in understanding of the implications of who God is, or he is seeking to make sense of life without a relationship with God. (Tripp 21)

Our children are God’s creation. Satan is always seeking to destroy what God has created. I love that Tripp calls the child’s heart “the world’s smallest battlefield”. It would be ignorant of us to believe that there is not a spiritual battle raging in the hearts of our children and God has placed us in their lives to help and instruct our children in a way to overcome the enemy. Are you willing to fight for it? I am, let’s do it together.

Whenever we attack the enemy we do it under the authority of God. We, as parents, have authority over our children on behalf of God! It is important for parents to understand the authority given to them, so that our children know what to expect from us. This is not a forceful, overbearing authority, but one that loves and produces freedom in Christ. Modern day parenting encourages allowing children to be free to make their own decisions and be independent-thinkers. I also want to have children who can make their own decisions and think independently, but I do not think it is the result of letting them do these things as a child. Freedom is found in obedience (Psalm119:44-45) and my children will learn how to make good decisions by seeing me make good decisions. If I let my 3-year old decide what she wanted for breakfast each morning, it would be candies or cookies. If I let her decide like this she will more than likely choose what she wants at the time and what is easy. She would become frustrated as she grew up facing situations where she doesn’t get to make the decision or cannot get what she wants. She is now bound by selfishness. There is no freedom in that. She must learn to be a wise decision maker by how I make wise decisions and love her.

Our aim in parenting is to please the Lord, not for our children to please us. Just as Abraham did in Genesis 18:19.

You and your children are in the same boat. You are both under God’s authority. You have different roles, but the same master. (Tripp 29)

Because we discipline on God’s behalf we are required to correct and instruct so that we are obedient to God. Which, once again, we can find freedom in obedience because we are not acting in our will, but God’s will.

So our correction must not come from irritation or embarrassment, but by an inclination to obey God and instruct on HIS behalf which includes “pointing them to the mercy and grace of God shown in Christ’s life and death for sinners.” There is no place for anger (James 1:19-20). Anger only clouds what we are trying to point our children to…God, and often leads to manipulation of discipline (our kids obey because they are scared of us getting angry, not because it is right). If we are correct in our discipline our children will begin to learn that discipline brings understanding and will be more apt to receive it from anyone (Proverbs 15:32). Doesn’t that sound good?! God disciplines those he loves and that should lead us to discipline the ones we love because we know (as God does) that it brings about restoration of the heart.

Every night I pray that God would give me wisdom and discernment as I raise my kids. I need all the help I can get.

What are some things we can do to keep our discipline focused on turning our children to the paths of life? (taken from Shepherding a Child’s Heart Chapter 4 Discussion Questions)

Living it Out...

I had an interesting experience with Riley today. She pushed me. She was somewhat playing around, but it got out of hand. She knows that she is not supposed to push. I reminded her and said “Remember when you disobey, Mommy has to give you a spanking”. She got a spanking and then I explained to her that as God’s children we are to love one another and not cause harm to one another. She said “I don’t want to love one another”. I had the opportunity to explain that our flesh does not want to love most of the time and we want to be selfish, but we can pray and ask God to change our hearts. I asked Riley if she would like to pray and she said “yes”. I think if she said “no” we would have prayed anyway. We prayed that God would change our hearts and we would see people the way he sees them and treat them in a loving way. I feel like before reading this book I would have just spanked her and said “you have to obey mommy!”. This turned out to be a great experience for Riley and me.

On Shepherding A Child's Heart (Ch 1 and 2)...

I love how this book breaks down biblical truths and applies it to how we raise our children! I am trying to ingrain in my head that my child’s behavior results from an overflow of the heart; as a matter of fact all of our behaviors are simply the overflow of the heart. So you literally must get to the heart of the matter!

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

As water reflects a man’s face, so a man’s heart reflects the man. Proverbs 27:19

God does not look on outward appearances, but he looks at our heart. (1 Samuel 16:7) The book discusses how Jesus felt about the Pharisees who honored God with their lips, but hearts were far from them, and it wasn’t good. So, we as parents must learn how to get to the heart of the behavior. What is causing the behavior? Figure it out and then instruct from that issue, not the behavior. Unfortunately the book does not list every example that you will encounter, and it would be almost impossible to do this in that the reason a child does something is different from another child. Their hearts are different, but many of the basic principals are the same and in Chapter 2 you begin to learn what things shape a child’s heart and therefore behavior as they grow up. These life experiences effect the way a child responds to circumstances in the future.

Shaping influences are those events and circumstances in a child’s developmental years that prove to be catalyst for making him the person he is. (Tripp 10)

There are 6 different shaping influences discussed and are all things that make up family life, but it brought up a very important point at the end of the chapter dealing with mistakes we make in understanding shaping influences. One of them being the idea that your child is unaffected by their early childhood experiences; which to me was obvious, but important to note. The other is the idea that if you do everything humanly possible to control the shaping influence and shelter your child that you will have a golden child; the book calls this determinism.

Your children are responsible for the way they respond to your parenting (Tripp 16)

I have to understand that if I read all of the right books and do everything in my power to raise my children right in the eyes of the Lord, they may never choose to follow Him. Does this stop me from praying for my kids every night that their eyes would be open to the gospel and that the Lord would give them an understanding of His truth…I will NEVER stop praying that and my hope is that they will follow the Lord faithfully. Even more so I want God to be glorified in my family and I trust Him.

Chapter 2 also points you to great scripture that is necessary for biblical child rearing and I recommend reading all them; Deuteronomy 6, Ephesians 6, and Colossians 3.

In other news we have had a few "snow days" (more like ice days), but we made the most of it.


Then Riley watched Sleeping Beauty and became one herself...


Discussion Question: Why do we tend to simply correct behavior instead of getting to heart of the issue?

Mandy